Adventures of Frangipan

Friday, 23 May 2014

Take your hatred out on me, Make your victim my head

I feel like I've become a sponge for negativity. Whatever I do, I upset someone, and they unload that onto me. I can only listen to what they say. I can't defend my position because I'm not 100% sure about my decisions, whichever option I go with.

So I spend all my time fretting about it, and not wanting to answer the phone or check emails, because no doubt there is more negativity.

Source: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/422775483742410512/ 
There are still positive comments and people saying thank you. But somehow these are always drowned out by the negative. I guess those with the issues are those who shout loudest.

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Thursday, 22 May 2014

The End of Me & Mounted Games?

So if I give up mounted games training, what will I do?

It is only fair to say that games is not the only reason I'm miserable at the moment. My job is not a career and is not something I want to be doing for too long: I need to find a job I'm really passionate about. I don't see much of my friends; in fact, I don't feel like I have many friends anymore. I don't have much money, meaning I don't feel I can make much of an effort to go out and have fun. I'm dragging my feet with Dad stuff.

But I don't feel I'm in a position to do much about those things. I'm kinda stuck here with the horses, so I'll have to find a job around here. And now my hours are going up, I might as well stick around until the end of the contract and then see what's what. And I'll have a bit more money then too. If I had more time for friends, I might make more time for them. Dad stuff will come to an end soon, and I just need to pull my socks up and get on with it.
But games.

I'm not getting what I used to out of games. It has been more stress than fun this year. Sure, next year could be better, but I would have to invest another 12 months to find out. Another 6 months of feeling like I'm talking to a brick wall. Another 6 months of no weekends. Another 2 months of sleepless nights.

And all for what?
I want Dad to have a legacy; I don't want his life.

So what would I do?

I suppose the possibilities are endless. I could work on my own horses. I could do something with the dogs. I could visit family. I could visit friends. I could go away for weekends, walking and taking photos. I could blog more. I could volunteer with different organisations that might have career prospects. I could get another job and save money to go travelling.

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