Adventures of Frangipan

Friday, 31 December 2010

I've always changed my personality depending on who I'm hanging out with, but I'm really frustrated about it at the moment. In uni, I feel like I'm quite bubbly and outgoing, at least with the course group. I get along with them really well and I feel really comfortable.

But coming home, I feel quite suppressed. Is it because everyone here knows a quieter me and I feel like I would be fake if I was any different? Is it that I have more in common with the course group so it's more comfortable?

It is a difficult group to shine in because there are so many big personalities, but I don't want to just be the girl in the corner who laughs at everyone's jokes. I'd like to make a few myself (difficult with so many funny people!) and bring some interesting conversation to the table.

I stopped being teetotal in March but I'm considering it as a resolution again this year. I would really hate for that to affect my personality. The aim last time was to prove I could be fun and have a good time without it, which I mostly did (although I saved the table dancing until I was drinking again). I hope I can do it again.

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Thursday, 30 December 2010

It feels like its been a while since I fancied someone of my own accord. Most guys have told me they liked me while I hadn't really given them a second thought. Then I decide to give them a chance and within a couple of weeks the dynamic has changed, I like them and they don't seem to give a shit anymore.

I feel like I've forgotten how to fancy someone for more than just their looks. In fact, I'm not sure I've ever fancied someone in that way. I've always been confused about the guys who I fell for because of their personality, because I never really felt like I was attracted to them.

Recently there have been a couple of guys who I get along with pretty well and thought I fancied, but I had to 'consider' whether I was attracted to them! And I don't think I do. Meanwhile, there's a guy who I've thought was good looking for a while now, so I'm attracted to him. I don't really know him but can't imagine we would be 'compatible'.

I don't like the idea that I'm always going to choose good looking guys over personality. Or that my attraction is a result of someone finding me attractive - how desperate does that sound?!

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Wednesday, 22 December 2010

The Most Important Film of 2010?

John Pilger's latest film, The War You Don't See, was not all new to me. I'm currently reading a book about 'churnalism', so the idea of embedding journalists so they tell the 'official' story rather than the truth is not something new. It was interesting to hear the journalists and former officials recant their reports though.

Some news editors were made uncomfortable and quite honestly came up with some lousy answers: "it's not our job to call officials liars"; "it's our job to inform the public and let them make their own minds up". Really? I thought it was your job to investigate what you've been told. And how can a public be informed enough to make up it's mind with such an unbalanced report?

One of the most sickening moments of the film was Andrew Marr's interview with Tony Blair. That he was allowed to go on air to promote his book was bad enough. That he used that time to warmonger once again was an atrocity. Andrew Marr and the BBC should be ashamed that they allowed him to go on, without even questioning his claims or the actions he was recommending.

The second, and certainly most sickening part, was something that I think came from wikileaks. It was an official video of American soldiers shooting Iraqis and reporters in the street. As far as I can tell they were long range shots. You can hear the soldiers talking to each other over the video. After they shot the eight people on the street, a van pulled up to try to find survivors. The van was shot at. The soldiers were very pleased with their work. When the troops on the ground arrived, one of the soldiers found two children, injured but alive, in the van. He got them out and wanted them to be taken to the military hospital. Over the soldiers' radio, first you hear that it's their fault for bringing kids into the area, and then that they would be taken to a local hospital. His CO told him to get back to his job.

I hate that people in power can get away with saying that this is taking place for the sake of national interest. I hate that people believe it to be true. I hate that officials are able to talk about the dangers of terrorists when all we're doing is creating a new generation of them.

I was 'got at' in the pub the other night, I think because a couple of jaded military guys thought I was naive (not 100% sure - it was a bit of a strange 'debate'). I'm not naive. I'm hopeful. I might not know all the details of the terrible things that are done, but I don't believe it's for our good. But if I don't have faith that it can change, then really, what's the point? It's hard but necessary to have hope that things will get better.

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Sunday, 5 December 2010

Veganism inspiring creativity

Just a quick post about an article/review in the Big Issue I bought today. It started off about Gillian McKeith reaffirming the stereotype, but then goes on to review a vegan restaurant in Whole Foods Market, Kensington.

The writer was not vegan and admitted that she was not sold on the idea. But, having eaten at Saf, she stated that
"the apparent limitation of using only vegetables in fact seems to inspire much creativity"
So, people, no need to worry about me not eating interesting food.

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Saturday, 4 December 2010

Tom Gabel

If it's at all possible, I think I love Tom Gabel even more, now that I have his solo album as well as the Against Me! albums.


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Friday, 3 December 2010

Feeling a bit pathetic cuz my lecturer thought I should've done better in my last assignment.

I know he's right. But I'm crap at academic writing. I started off thinking about this particular assignment purely in terms of real world situations, then decided I didn't have enough theory, and it comepletely changed direction. Turns out that the one person I know who ignored theory for empirical stuff got a great mark.

It's not about whether someone else did better than me. It's not really about whether I did that well (even though I know I should). It's really more about the fact that he told me I should've done better. About the fact that he seemed disappointed. His comments said it all: intellect of a distinction. Just not the clarity.

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